During the holiday season there is much ‘hustle and bustle’- shopping, cooking, connecting, celebrating, planning, and making space for magic. And there can be lots of bright lights, noises, pressures, demands and emptiness or losses. When you are naturally (and biologically) more sensitive, the holidays can feel both more joyful and overwhelming. If you find yourself feeling overstimulated, weighed down, flooded or foggy, you are not alone, and I hope that as you read further, you’ll understand how to better care for your sensitive nervous system.
Signs of high sensitivity
We all vary in our degree of biological sensitivity. Those that are highly sensitive are like sponges, insofar as they see, feel and process everything deeply and fully. This offers many gifts and challenges, which can be exacerbated during the holiday season. Dr. Elaine Aron, a clinical psychologist, researcher, and author, created the ‘DOES’ acronym[i] to help recognize how multifaceted sensory sensitivity can be:
Depth of processing (reflects on everything)
Over-arousal (sensitive to stress and overstimulation)
Emotional intensity (greater depth of feelings and empathy)
Sensory sensitivity (observant of subtleties in people and the environment)
For me, a self-identified highly sensitive person (HSP) and therapist, the holidays increase my internal ‘load’ because I think more deeply about finding those I love the ‘perfect’ gift, I am more aware of others' expectations, and I get overstimulated by crowded malls, big parties, family gatherings, and even the increased mess from wrapping paper, meal preparation, and house guests.
If you don’t identify with having the trait of high sensitivity, but do relate to the holiday challenges it may be due to burnout (doing too much for too long), grief (losses to death or life changes), illness (physical and/or mental), trauma, and overall, anything that has resulted in your resources being lower than what you need in your current experience. I hope that my suggestions below help you as well.
Being sensitive to our sensitivities during the holidays
When you experience everything more intensely you need to protect your capacity and resources. You can protect them by setting boundaries in how much you do, who you see, and where you go. Prioritize going places and seeing people that do not drain you, and if you need to ‘do the things’ that will be taxing, keep it short and build time and activities around it that will restore you.
Self-care for sensitive souls is critical. Your nervous system processes SO much more and it needs extra time that allows you to rest, recover, reflect, and recharge. Which activities allow you to do any one or all these things? Is it time in nature? Physical activity or gentle movement? Is it time alone or time with people that make you feel safe and settled? Do you need to journal, read or create? Do you need to restore order to your home or space? Perhaps you need soothing scents or comforting textures like a warm blanket? Make a list of what works for you and schedule in time for it.
Self-Compassion for HSP’s
When coping with tricky feelings or thoughts, self-compassion invites in some mindfulness and kindness to ease them. A wonderful practice to consider is 'Soften-Soothe-Allow'.[ii] It encourages you to compassionately connect with, experience, and flow through difficult feelings and circumstances. To begin, you need to pause (this allows you to stop doing and start being with yourself and the moment) then you can find a comfortable, quiet space (your room, your car, getting outdoors, or even the bathroom) to go through the following practice as many times as needed.
Soften (physical compassion): Notice what you are feeling in your body and where. Bring your loving attention to those painful bits and invite some softening and loosening.
Soothe (emotional compassion): Offer yourself some comforting words or touch to the discomfort you are experiencing. Consider what you need to hear or how you would talk to someone you care deeply about.
Allow (mental compassion): As you become more aware of the pain, discomfort, or stress within yourself, you might feel the urge to move away from it by minimizing it, pushing it away or resisting it. This is understandable and you can practice mental compassion by ‘allowing’ the feelings and experience to be just as it is- an art of radical acceptance and kindness all rolled into one.
Soften-Soothe-Allow can be a quick practice that can serve as an anchor during busy or challenging times over the holidays and into the new year.
I hope that the holidays hold moments of joy and rest for you, and that you will listen to your body and sensitive system and create the boundaries and care needed to sustain and strengthen you. If you’re interested in learning more about coping during the holidays, you’re welcome to read my blogs “A Gift of Self-Compassion” and “Mindfulness During the Holidays”.
If you would like to learn more about highly sensitive people for yourself or a loved one, consider checking out Elaine Aron’s website https://hsperson.com/
[i] Aron, E. (2010). Psychotherapy and the Highly Sensitive Person.
[ii] Neff, K. & Germer, C. (2018). The mindful self-compassion workbook.
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